What do you know about parenting?

Who taught you how to parent?

 

Being a parent is a blessing. I have had the pleasure of experiencing three little amazing human beings grow inside of me! When I think about the details involved in creating another being with a soul of its own, WOW! It’s so amazing and I am in awe of the magic that takes place.

When I was pregnant I learned so much about how my babies were developing and read all of the milestones. I was actively preparing for parenthood (well at least I thought I was). I felt confident as the eldest of six siblings that I would be able to parent with ease (I know a little naive lol). Now don’t get me wrong, what little experience and knowledge I had acquired at the time served me well for some of the time. However, I was not prepared for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual effect it has had on me!

 

OMG being a mother is frigging hard at times!

 

I literally feel like I am learning on the job. At times I don’t have the time to think about how I am parenting, I am on auto and then all I want to do is sleep (sometimes if I have the energy I will run myself a bath and fall sleep in that).

Although lucky for me, the more I learn about and understand my parenting style and find ways to enhance and improve it, the less these types of scenario’s happen.

 

So that’s great for me on this wonderful crazy journey, but the whole parenting thing has got me thinking. I think it is crazy how most of us do not learn (I mean in the sense that we haven’t concluded our own solid view of what the following means instead we blindly accept the collective/media’s perspective) what a parent is, what is involved (raising another human being) and the different parenting styles out there that we get to choose from.

We’ve seem to have come from the perspective of ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ where lots of different family members are involved in raising the child to trying to do it all on our own (speaking to both single and coupled parents).  So what happened and what did I miss? I know there are parents that are very comfortable in their role and I admire their clarity, however, there are parents like me who are getting clear. Or this maybe the first time you are thinking about your parenting in this way (Hello and welcome :))

 

I would love to hear about your experiences and thoughts about parenting. What do you understand about your parenting? Do you have a specific parenting style? Who influences your parenting?

Who taught you how to parent?

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Motherhood: Finding my way out of the smog!

smog

A Journey of Rediscovery!

 

I witnessed it with my mother, I seen it with my family members, friends and before I had time to adapt to this beautiful transition, I too had found myself lost in MOTHERHOOD.

At its best it is rewarding, fulfilling, skillful, creating opportunities for you to grow and allows you to discover new limits, boundaries and patience you never thought you had.

However, among all of these and many other wonderful things, if you are not careful there is this smog that slowly creeps through the cracks of a yawn, seeps through the feeling of worry for your families, tip toes into the social expectations of what a mother is supposed to do and look like, and sits gently heavy on your shoulders, whispering the needs and desires of others that must be fulfilled.

Whilst down in the corner of the heart there lies an ache, a tear, a sorrow unattended that cries out ‘what about me?’  Whilst acknowledged for a minute, the smog reminds you not now, there isn’t enough time, your family need you, leave it-your stronger than you think, someone else will take care of that for you or a voice affirming the lie that is shared with many; that if you sacrifice what you want, your family will be much better off.

Almost every day I hear, read or speak to a mum who feels suffocated or lost in the smog. It appears that it is a place that most mothers find themselves in at some point of their mothering lives.

However, it would also seem that some mothers either avoid this awful experience or find their way out.

Well, I was that mother who was lost in the smog and I am that mother who has found a way out.

 

Growing up I was aware of this smog and the battle mothers had trying not to get smothered. However, I didn’t realise how easily, sneakily and quickly it could enter your life and hold you hostage, keep you blind and lost until I found myself in that very place.

 

It wasn’t until my second pregnancy that I felt and acknowledge that I too had reach that place, feeling tired, depressed and unfulfilled no matter how hard I tried to tell myself I was happy. This made me feel terrible as I, a mother was blessed to birth three beautiful children, mother a step son and had a loving supportive partner.

I also had a good career that I could easily exceed in, if I dared to choose. I had all the so call ingredients to be able to create this wonderful life but instead of enjoying what I had, I just felt frustrated and guilty.

Something needed to change!!!

I knew that deep in my heart but I continued living the same way regardless. However, it wasn’t long before I started to see my internal discomfort start to show up in my physical reality. I was facing challenges in my relationships with other, with my children, finances, my health, my environment and all the other ways my inner world came out to show me that I could no longer run nor hide.

I had no choice but to address what was inside as I could no longer justify living a life that I did not desire.

I remember the day I made the decision to live my life fully…

It was a damp and cold Saturday morning, my partner was out with my son and my girls were having a nap. The house was silent and I was just slumped on my cold brown leather sofa just staring into space. My mind was churning, I found it hard to focus, my mind felt hijacked- full of to do lists, worries and financial concerns.

It was in that moment I recall hearing a scream deep down in my soul…

STOP!

STOP! I CAN NO LONGER LIVE THIS WAY AND I WILL NOT LIVE THIS WAY!

 

Acknowledging this voice and accepting that I could no longer stay in this place, in the smog, I felt a light switch on inside of me as I decided NOW was the time to make a change.

Very quickly after making this decision fear begun to set in, it prodded – how do I change my life when this is all I know, reminded me that this was what I have witnessed, affirmed that this was my blueprint.

But the light had been switch on and as much as the fear told me it was impossible, I somehow knew there was another way for me.

“But the light had been switch on…”

light

Hungry for change I started to seek out information on how to rediscover myself in motherhood. I read books, went to workshops, talked to other parents and watched numerous videos. I took whatever resonated with me and implemented them into my life.

I found ways to honour my self-care, seeked advise from professionals, I began to sit in silence, enjoying the sound of my own breathe (whether that was for 60 seconds or 10 minutes). I discovered, embraced and continue to find ways to clear the smog in my life.

At first I started to see small changes in my life. I felt a little better, I gained new perspective, I had more energy and things slowly started to look a little more clearer.

Although there were moments or even periods where I encountered blocks, fell of the wagon, regressing back to old habits and behaviours,  I continued to get back on track, again and again, practising  doing those things that had previously worked for me. Each time the blocks that would stop me in my growth became little bumps in the road.

Now is my road smooth? No, not yet! But the little bumps are less and much easier to overcome. As I learn more about the person I have become and remember the person I was, I step out of the smog and stand at the bottom of the staircase ready to elevate and to live the life of my dreams.

As I look around I am aware that more and more mothers are beginning to answer their inner call. Will you answer your inner calling today?

What will you do to rediscover yourself today?

 

 

 

 

Loving your Post Pregnancy Tummy

My Post-Natal Massage Experience

 

I was blessed with twin girls who were born via c-section. I adored my two little angels but felt challenged by the way my stomach looked post pregnancy. I tried to embrace the movement of loving my scarred stomach and overhang, but I just felt sluggish and horrible. I literally felt like my organs were all over the place, my uterus out-of-order as I could not seem to hold my pee, despite doing those bloody kegel exercises (I dreaded coughing and sneezing! To all my mummies that don’t do jumping jacks or trampolining hehehe). I felt bad about myself and then guilty for feeling that way.

 

Instead of embracing my mummy tummy I just started to accept that I just had to live with it.

 

Then my coach had recommended a post-natal massage, it was a little alien to me. I didn’t know that such a therapy was available but I thought it was worth a try. So I got to work searching the net for a local therapist. There weren’t many practitioners where I lived but thankfully I found one that resonated with me.

 

I wasted no time contacted the therapist. Straight away she was reassuring, explaining what it was I was going to encounter, understanding my symptoms and letting me know I wasn’t the only one who had felt this way. Excited and relieved I went straight ahead and booked an appointment.

 

Well, I had my first post natal massage! It was amazing! I thought to myself, how do women not know about this???? It should definitely be in a post natal pack.

 

During the massage my stomach gurgled and contracted as though it was (gently) recreating labour contractions (I didn’t go into labour with my girls). It was magical! I longed to give birthed naturally and the only thought I had when experiencing this was, this longing was trapped in my body and was being fulfilled. I surrendered and allowed my body to do what it needed and trusted the gentle hands that put my organs back into place (it sounds funny but that is what it felt like) and the healing massage of my c-section scar. It was a beautiful experience that led me to book more sessions.

 

The question you probably want to know is did it work? What other affects did it have?

 

I can tell you straight away I noticed a difference in the way I felt, in fact I felt a little tipsy (which wasn’t too bad). My stomach also felt put back together and I no longer felt bloated and sluggish. Furthermore, my menstruation was lighter and was shorter, with very little cramping. Now that has got to be a bonus! Even the way I felt towards my mummy tummy had changed, I felt and do now love my tummy (which I didn’t expect from a massage!)

Finally the main reason I am writing this blog is to encourage ALL you beautiful mummies to experience post natal massage. It’s a wonderful nurturing gift to yourself and has lots of health benefits.

The lovley therapist I used was call Suzzana Burton. You can connect with her through the link below  or  put a search in google to find a therapist that is close to you.

http://www.natural-holistic-healing.co.uk

Now go and give your yummy tummy some love xxx

 

 

 

Parenthood: When you lose your cool!

5 Simple Steps on how you can turn it around.

 

You haven’t had much sleep, you wake up late, your rushing around trying to get yourself ready as well as feed the kids, get them dress and make sure they have everything they need to leave the house.

It’s o.k, you can still be on time if you just keep focused and keep going.

 

But wait…

 

As you begin to feel the false sense of security of that you might actually pull this off. Things quickly start to change, you lose momentum and you lose control!

 

FIRST your child can’t find their sock that you have just given them in a pair, AND THEN your other child spills their cereal on them and starts to cry. THE THIRD CHILD decides that it is play time and empties out the toy box. ALL OF THEM are calling your name asking for assistance as you try to collect YOUR stuff together that YOU need for work.

 

Someone is actually brave enough to make contact…

 

You feel a pat on your back and you EXPLODE!

 

Shouting and waving your hands frantically, whilst your children look at you, like you have just landed off another planet.

 

 

Many parents have fallen victim to this fast paced lifestyle, that forces them to rush, to be a slave to time and in a state of reaction that can sometimes lead to overwhelm.

 

I know from my experience there is nothing more upsetting then looking into your child’s eyes when you have over reacted and they look at you upset or confused wondering what they have done to cause such a reaction. It’s difficult because you cannot take that time back, it happened.

However, you can start to use these 5 simple steps to begin to turn things around!

If you lose your cool, try following these 5 steps!

 

  1. Acknowledgement

Acknowledge what just happened. You were tired or you were in a state of urgency and you reacted instead of responding to the situation. You may have over reacted or you may have reacted to the situation in a way you didn’t feel comfortable with. Being able to acknowledge that something happened that you didn’t intend gives you the opportunity to do something about it.

 

  2. Accept and own your feelings

Its o.k to feel negative feelings. You may have felt angry, tired, frustrated, guilty, agitated, resentful. Be honest! Your feelings probably go deeper than just being annoyed at not getting to your destination on time. Accepting you have these feelings can lead you to delve deeper when you have sometime or maybe when your lying in bed, it can be something to ponder over. You might be surprise at what comes up!

 

  3. Apologise!

Say Sorry. Even if your child/ren have done something they shouldn’t have. If your                 unhappy with how you handle the situation, say sorry and start again.

 

     4. Explaination

When you reinforce an apology with an explanation, I feel it allows the parent to publicly take ownership of their behavior. It also takes the ownership from the child/ren and allows them to understand what has happened.

 

 5. Create a phrase!

Chances are in the beginning similar experience will arise where you are in state of reaction. Discuss with your family the need to be supported in this stage as you go through a transition. Come up with and agree on phrase that will let others know that you need support, I personally express mine as a feeling stating I have my grumpy head on. When they hear this everyone gives me the space that I need to process, even the little ones! They entertain themselves or the older children try their best to take ownership of themselves without being asked.

 

Using these 5 simple steps can help to change the affects of those moments when you lose control. Having the conversation can make a difference on how the experience is remembered and the affect it has on everyone involved.

 

To share your experiences, ask questions or to meet other healing parents, join our Facebook Community at The Healing Parent

You can also contact me via email at thejourneyofthehealingparent@gmail.com

Sending you all love, compassion and light as you heal and grow.