Parenthood: When you lose your cool!

5 Simple Steps on how you can turn it around.

 

You haven’t had much sleep, you wake up late, your rushing around trying to get yourself ready as well as feed the kids, get them dress and make sure they have everything they need to leave the house.

It’s o.k, you can still be on time if you just keep focused and keep going.

 

But wait…

 

As you begin to feel the false sense of security of that you might actually pull this off. Things quickly start to change, you lose momentum and you lose control!

 

FIRST your child can’t find their sock that you have just given them in a pair, AND THEN your other child spills their cereal on them and starts to cry. THE THIRD CHILD decides that it is play time and empties out the toy box. ALL OF THEM are calling your name asking for assistance as you try to collect YOUR stuff together that YOU need for work.

 

Someone is actually brave enough to make contact…

 

You feel a pat on your back and you EXPLODE!

 

Shouting and waving your hands frantically, whilst your children look at you, like you have just landed off another planet.

 

 

Many parents have fallen victim to this fast paced lifestyle, that forces them to rush, to be a slave to time and in a state of reaction that can sometimes lead to overwhelm.

 

I know from my experience there is nothing more upsetting then looking into your child’s eyes when you have over reacted and they look at you upset or confused wondering what they have done to cause such a reaction. It’s difficult because you cannot take that time back, it happened.

However, you can start to use these 5 simple steps to begin to turn things around!

If you lose your cool, try following these 5 steps!

 

  1. Acknowledgement

Acknowledge what just happened. You were tired or you were in a state of urgency and you reacted instead of responding to the situation. You may have over reacted or you may have reacted to the situation in a way you didn’t feel comfortable with. Being able to acknowledge that something happened that you didn’t intend gives you the opportunity to do something about it.

 

  2. Accept and own your feelings

Its o.k to feel negative feelings. You may have felt angry, tired, frustrated, guilty, agitated, resentful. Be honest! Your feelings probably go deeper than just being annoyed at not getting to your destination on time. Accepting you have these feelings can lead you to delve deeper when you have sometime or maybe when your lying in bed, it can be something to ponder over. You might be surprise at what comes up!

 

  3. Apologise!

Say Sorry. Even if your child/ren have done something they shouldn’t have. If your                 unhappy with how you handle the situation, say sorry and start again.

 

     4. Explaination

When you reinforce an apology with an explanation, I feel it allows the parent to publicly take ownership of their behavior. It also takes the ownership from the child/ren and allows them to understand what has happened.

 

 5. Create a phrase!

Chances are in the beginning similar experience will arise where you are in state of reaction. Discuss with your family the need to be supported in this stage as you go through a transition. Come up with and agree on phrase that will let others know that you need support, I personally express mine as a feeling stating I have my grumpy head on. When they hear this everyone gives me the space that I need to process, even the little ones! They entertain themselves or the older children try their best to take ownership of themselves without being asked.

 

Using these 5 simple steps can help to change the affects of those moments when you lose control. Having the conversation can make a difference on how the experience is remembered and the affect it has on everyone involved.

 

To share your experiences, ask questions or to meet other healing parents, join our Facebook Community at The Healing Parent

You can also contact me via email at thejourneyofthehealingparent@gmail.com

Sending you all love, compassion and light as you heal and grow.

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